Saturday, March 31, 2007

Long may you run

I realized today that I have been a runner for half of my life. Running defines my life, it defines me; it is a habit; it is an addiction; it is necessity. I became a runner almost by accident: in 8th grade gym class, we endured the requisite cross country running unit and I was usually the first female in the class to cross the finish line at the end of each run. I didn't pay too much attention to this; I'm sure I was probably more concerned with boys and gossip and other such teenage things. But at parent-teacher interviews, my gym teacher mentioned to my mom that I was a good runner and should consider joining a track club. I remember not long after that, I joined the Kamloops Track and Field Club. I think this had more to do with my parents pushing me to join than with me joining of my own accord.

In my first year with KTFC, I raced the sprints like the 100m and 200m, and tried javelin and long jump. In the following years, I focused on the 800m and 1500m. I loved the training, and learning about nutrition, training and fitness. But oh, how I hated the butterflies that savaged my stomach hours before the start of any race. Looking back now, I don't think I knew how to channel that nervous energy - fourteen years later, I could now provide some advice my younger self.

I continued training at UBC for one or two years with one of my KTFC friends, but I also started to do long runs for my own pleasure or as stress-relief, with less focus on training for competition. And now running is simply my lifestyle. It is like flossing my teeth - I love it and hate it ('cause let's face it, there's some days when I really don't want to run, just like sometimes I really hate flossing but it feels so good after you've done it.)

I have gone through quite possibly hundreds of pairs of running shoes; I still have my old track spikes buried in a box somewhere in my parents house in Kamloops. I still have my KTFC and UBC track suits. I have a ratty, yellowed collection of shirts from various track meets and, more recently, 10km races. These are my keepsakes, my mile-markers.

And I can't wait to add my first half marathon shirt and medal to the collection. I'm out to prove to myself that I can do it, to challenge myself and test my limits. I worry about my knees and other joints because as I get older, the ol' knees are becoming more sensitive!

It was while I was ruefully examining my worse-for-wear feet, vaguely thinking that sandal season is a cruel time, that I realized I've been running for half my life. I looked at my hardened, calloused toes and saw evidence of fourteen years worth of pounding the pavement. I only hope that they will carry me through another fourteen years of healthy running and racing. And I hope that I feel strong, healthy and prepared come race day!

Thursday, March 22, 2007

The healing power of running

At 5pm tonight, I laced up my running shoes, zipped up my jacket, waited for the satellites to locate on my handy GPS watch, and squeezed in a mind-clearing 5km training run.

Today was a mild day - low teens - with a bit of wind and a bit of rain. The air was filled with the anticipation of spring, and the light mist that started falling soothed my soul. It reminded me a bit of the misty rainy days in Vancouver.

I maintained a steady speed, as per RR's instructions, but I didn't maintain the proper speed. According to my training sheet, I should have been running 5:14 min/km and instead I found myself running about 4:40 min/km. I'm having a hard time keeping my pace down for most of my runs! It just feels so slow to me and I irrationally berate myself for going slower. I can never just go easy on myself.

I ended my run by doing a lap around Parliament Hill. And I thought to myself, "how neat is it that I can just run right in front of Canada's parliament buildings!" It is a priviledge to be able to do so. It is a priviledge to be so free.

Despite the sore, stiff, tired feeling in my legs, my heart lifted. A beautiful, mild day and a fresh smell in the air combined with some pick-me-up tunes on my iPod and a consistent spring to my step was all I needed to feel level again.

Now I just need a really good night's sleep!

Another chapter closes

After spending most of yesterday in a rather gloomy fog, I found out from my oldest friend last night that she has indeed been transferred back to Vancouver. They leave in 90 days.

I am genuinely excited for her, but I am also very sad for me.

Trippin' down memory lane

I opened my email inbox yesterday to find my bi-monthly UBC alumni newsletter. This month’s issue was interesting and I went through the whole thing, feeling those pangs of attachment to my old alma mater. One item in particular piqued my interest, which was the blog of a current UBC student hosted on the Alumni website. I could visualize his references to various points on campus and in Kits; I once knew it so well – my old stomping grounds. His stories brought back waves of nostalgia and, uncomfortably, a deep sadness for a life that is no more, a chapter closed.

I miss Pacific Spirit Park, where the old cedars tower above you and their fresh scent fills your lungs; I miss the sound of my feet striking the earth as I jog on the Lily of the Valley Trail or the Admiral Trail that leads you down to Spanish Banks. I miss Blue Chip Cookies; I miss Main Library; I miss that huge tree that sits outside the biology building that just envelops you in its giant branches.

I miss living in our apartment on Broadway, which coincidentally was just steps from the best dessert restaurant I’ve ever known. I miss the smell of salty sea air; I even miss the rainy days! I miss the beautiful mountains that rise magnificently over English Bay and seeing all the tankers and cruise ships in the harbour. I miss the cherry blossoms and daffodils that sprout in March. I miss rollerblading around the sea wall at Stanley Park. I miss being closer to my family. I miss BC and its beauty.

In reminiscing about my life in Vancouver, I can’t help but feel the same question that bubbles up in me every time I go down this memory lane, “what am I doing here [in Ottawa]? How did I get here?” Sometimes, I feel so far from my roots that I feel lost. But isn’t that the heartbreaker: nothing stays the same.

Vancouver is a stranger now. The city has changed and grown so much. When I go back to visit, I do not feel a part of it; no one looks familiar; stores and businesses have come and gone. It is the natural evolution of a city and it is silly to expect that anything would stay around and wait for me to come back. Or that I would stay the same – I am not the same person I was when I left BC and intuitively I know that if I did go back, I wouldn’t necessarily feel the same way about Vancouver as I do in my sentimental memories.

Once this short-lived sadness passes, I feel comfortable with my current path. I have a pleasant, uncomplicated life in Ottawa. I have found many things here that make me happy. I have friends (albeit a very small circle); I live close to some amazing parks for camping & hiking; I have gotten to know some of my extended family who live near Toronto; I have a partner who values many of the same things I do in life. Ottawa is a great city that fits my needs despite its climate of frigid winters and humid summers.

One of my oldest friends moved to Ottawa from BC a few years ago for a job opportunity. Her intention was the same as mine - to stay for only two years. She’s been here three years now, and she and her husband are now actively pursuing opportunities to move back, and they are talking about moving back with increasing certainty. I dread the day she calls me and tells me they are leaving. My heart will break a little bit. I will be a little bit lonelier when she leaves. She knows where I come from; she knows my history and I know hers.

Funnily enough, it was she who made me realize that I am settled here; my roots are more solidly planted than I had realized. Throughout her time here, our conversations had frequently, inevitably, turned to how much we missed our families and the mountains and the perfect BC weather, and we talked about moving back. It was not long ago when we were having one of our chats that I was struck by the realization that my sense of temporary displacement was diminishing; my focus on moving back was lessening and my comfort level of living in Ottawa was neutralizing. I realized that I had slowly, unconsciously, come to appreciate the city and feel that it was home.

Except that family, mine and also Mark’s are still far away. I do still feel homesick, especially right now.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Sidesplitters

Okay, I just gotta share my favorite lines from two favorite tv shows.

1) From 30 Rock: Tina Fey's character, Liz Lemmon, is told by her boss, Alec Baldwin, that she has to fire 10% of her staff. In digesting this stressful prospect, she replies, "Excuse me, I have to go have a conversation with some food." If you are woman, and a woman who eats emotionally, this is hilarious.

2) From Seinfeld: Jerry and Kramer are discussing something, I forget what exactly, but Jerry says, "Are you crazy?!" and Kramer replies, "Am I? Am I, Jerry? Or am I so sane that you just BLEW your mind?!" If anyone remembers which episode this is from, please remind me!

Cold, Cuts

I cut the tip of my middle finger last night on the blade of our mini-chopper. It really hurts as I'm sitting here typing and putting pressure on the cut whenever I hit the "i", "k" or "m" keys. I also cut the tip of my index finger on the lid of a yogurt container on Thursday. No cuts in years, and then two on consecutives fingers within 24 hours. The inability to really use my two fingers for typically mundane, routine tasks makes me aware of how much I appreciate my fully intact body - I mean, some people have had fingers removed, and I'm lucky enough just to have a cut that will heal itself in a few days time. ...and I bet you're asking how the heck does one cut their finger on a yogurt lid??

This morning, we rose at 7:15am for our 5km St Paddy's Day race. There was about an inch or two of snow on the ground - yuck! Overall, we both enjoyed ourselves, but I'm slightly disappointed with my race. My muscles felt heavy and tired even before we started, which is a Very Bad Thing. The snow seeped into my shoes, soaking my feet and my thighs froze in the headwind making my legs feel heavier. The first km was tough mentally, my body just did not want to run! It wanted to crawl back to bed! But then I got into my rhythm which got me through to about 4km when I started to die again. I was disappointed that I slowed up a few times to a jog, although it was necessary. And I didn't like that I didn't have very much power at the end of the race to pick up the pace in the last 500m to beat the clock. I crossed at 23 minutes flat, which I'm happy with, but I'm disappointed that I wasn't feeling stronger to see if I could have got an even lower time. I was fourth female to cross the finish line and second in my age category! Mark crossed at 30 minutes and was the eighth male to cross the line in his age category. If I had been running the 1/2 marathon today and feeling as poopy as I did, it would have been a hellish experience.

This afternoon we went to a pre-season training session with our new dragon boat team. The familiar paddling motion and aches in my muscles were reassuring and, well, familiar. Comfortable. I'm sure my back and shoulders will be in acute pain tomorrow, if not tonight. And, my God, my butt was in agony sitting on the hard tiled pool deck. Bex, if you're reading this, be warned - it's worse than the hard seat of the boat itself. Oh mama. The outline of the season ahead looks quite intense compared to our former team.

Mark is now engrossed in his March Madness basketball games and I'm sitting here trying to make the best of it. I have my RR clinic tomorrow a.m., so I'll be back outside in this stupid winter weather again, bright and early. We're doing 10km again this week.

I guess I'll go now and relax with my hot cup of comforting tea!

Thursday, March 15, 2007

My body wasn't built for this

Today is a busy day at work and I have been glued to my desk for 98% of the day. I am going squirrelly; my back hurts; my muscles ache; my eyes are fuzzy; my brain is tired. And my shoulders are up to my ears. I am stiff like a corpse. I haven’t seen the light of day since 8am this morning. It’s days like this that I dislike my work; or at least dislike not having clients that I can visit on other floors thereby enabling me to step away from my desk and stretch my legs.

Okay, enough venting – sorry, just had to get it out!

Now, my body WAS made for this: on Saturday, Mark and I are racing in the local St. Patty’s Day Run. We’re doing the 5km, and I’m excited because I haven’t raced a 5km before, only 10km races. And I’m counting the race toward my weekly training schedule (especially since I’m missing today’s run, boohoo!). Coincidentally, the mercury is plummeting tonight and is expected to remain low until after the weekend ie: back into the negative temps with snow flurries. If only Mother Nature could make up her mind to let go of winter…especially after the teasingly mild temps of this week. But I will not let the poopy weekend weather dampen my racing spirits!

Also on Saturday, Mark and I are joining our new dragon boat team for a pre-season training session. That’s right, our old team has folded this year, and we have been lucky enough to join up with our former foes. I’m looking forward to getting back into the paddling action with a new team – and some of my favorite teammates from the old team are also joining, so that’s double excitement, haha!

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Where did the last ten years go?

As I was blow drying my hair this morning, I suddenly realized that in a few weeks time, I'm turning 29. A shock went through me. Twenty-nine. One year closer to thirty. I am not ready to leave my 20s behind me. Oyyyy!

In the car yesterday, we were listening to a classic rock radio station on our way somewhere. The station played "Losing my Religion" by REM, which was a song released when I was in seventh grade, followed by a few other songs that were released when I was in high school. Mark made the observation that the songs we were listening to in high school are now playing on classic rock stations and considered "classic". When did we become old enough that the songs of my youth are now considered "classic"??

Friday, March 9, 2007

Retraining my brain and my legs: a lesson in patience

This week marks my first real week of training – last week was a bit of a dud due to the cold and that I didn’t have the training manual yet. I’ve completed three runs this week: two tempo runs of 2 and 3 miles respectively (3km and 5km), and one 2.5 mile steady run, as directed by my Running Room (RR) training manual. These runs were completed at a particular speed and heart rate maximum, again according to RR book. And I have to say I kinda struggled mentally.

Prior to commencing this training, my runs consisted of a minimum of 8km and upwards of 10, 12, 15km. So these 2 and 3 mile runs were insanely short to me. At the end of these runs, it felt very strange to step off the treadmill and not feel spent or pushed to my limits or soaked in sweat. I had to consciously reign myself in to stick within a particular speed despite the desire to go faster or farther.

In some ways, I almost feel relieved that I’m not pushing myself as hard as I did before, and in other ways, I’m really freaking out because I worry that I might be losing endurance or lung capacity or that I might become too used to doing such short runs that I become a lazy runner (by my definition), and not to mention that I actually like pushing myself and being “in the zone” and feeding off the adrenaline high! And our long runs on Sundays are at a much slower pace, which I struggled with last week because my legs wanted to burst ahead and my lungs wanted to feel the burn.

Perhaps another way of looking at this new method is that I’m running shorter distances more often during the week; whereas before I was running longer distances less often per week. So perhaps I’m actually covering the same, if not more, mileage as I was before, and it’s just spread out a bit differently.

The RR philosophy described in the book is sensible – take it slow, avoid injury. I will embrace that philosophy, believe in it and trust it. I will work on readjusting my training patterns because now I’m training with a particular goal in mind – before I was just running for the sheer “pleasure” of it and running for however long I felt like it that particular day.

In re-reading these paragraphs, I worry I come off sounding – I can’t place the correct word at the moment – like a jerk or something. Running is not easy, and I don’t want to down play the efforts that go into running any distance, short or long. I think it’s more my own attitude; I mean, as a Taurus, I’m impatient and want to achieve a particular goal/result/etc now! I just have to slow down the pace, adjust my perspective, and look forward to that adrenaline high on May 27th when I cross the finish line!

Said the tortoise to the hare, “slow and steady wins the race.”

Sunday, March 4, 2007

The first running clinic!

This morning, I arose from bed at 7:15am, which is too early for a Sunday morning, and shuffled to the kitchen for a half a banana and a zuchini muffin for energy before my 8:30am run, my first official half marathon clinic. I was a bit nervous because my cold has made me feel a bit crappy all weekend, and I was worried I'd be suffocating on phlegm during the run. However, by the time I got myself to the CBC building, I was feeling okay.

The group is about 12 people and a variety of running levels/experiences. From what I could tell, based on the people with whom I chatted, it seems I'm the most "advanced" runner (although I could be wrong, who knows). There's a 60 year old woman in the group who has never run before, and I think it's so exciting that she's doing this training!

I missed the first session last week when the group started with an 8.5km run. Today we did 9km. Next week, we'll do 10km. I got a copy of the training manual, which seems quite comprehensive and I'm anxious to dig into it. Our instructor told us we should aim for 4-5 runs per week. Three runs is a bare minimum, he said.

This morning was a great day for running; there was little wind, not too cold, and very sunny. My only complaint is that my IT band started to kill about 6km into the run. I'll have to monitor that. It probably means I need new shoes, which I've been intending to get anyway and now the pain just makes the task that much more urgent.

I was running at the front of the pack with two others, and I found that my pace was slower then when I run on my own, which was both frustrating and fine. Frustrating, because I love pushing myself and I'm used to my natural gait/pace and I want to train within a particular speed zone. Fine, because I could still talk with my fellow group members, and reduce the risk of running out of energy. There were a lot of other runners out and it was fun to pass enthusiastic groups who would shout "hello" and "good morning". And I felt really good being out there so early and doing something so satisfying. I mean, even if I accomplished nothing the rest of the day, at least I accomplished that one 9km run! In short, I had a great time and am keen for next week! Now I need to look at the training schedule and plan out my runs for the week!

Friday, March 2, 2007

Brief NYC debrief

Ice pellets; gusting winds; snowfall warning….this is a gloomy Friday. I’ve managed to catch a cold that has progressed with the week, and today, all I want is to be at home in my cozies. Instead, I had to be at work today to pack up my office (we’re losing our closed offices, boohoo! We’re being moved to cubicles since our closed offices are against Treasury Board standards – ridiculous!). I also have to chair a Very Important Call today. So no absentee-ism, although I’m sure my colleagues would appreciate it. It’s embarrassing when I hack all over the place and see people cringe, like on the bus this morning.

Last week, I went to New York City to help a friend move her sister-in-law’s things back to Canada. The trip was perfectly timed as I had been yearning for a little adventure to spice up this long stretch of time between Christmas and Easter. And what a fun time we had! We took the red eye bus last Friday night, where we indulged in copious amounts of Bulk Barn candies while having a proper catch-up. We slept most of the way, and arrived in the great Big Apple at 6am. We proceeded to our Queen’s Hotel, carting our 4 gigantic suitcases (to bring back the sister’s things), crashed for 2 hours and then went to the estranged husband’s apartment to move a TON of bags/suitcases. We spent the rest of the day in Manhattan shopping, walking and eating great food. That night, we returned to the hotel to pack all the possessions into the suitcases. Unfortunately there was so much stuff, that we ended up with six huge, bulging suitcases to carry between us two tiny people. Trying to maneuver the suitcases in the Port Authority, through customs and through the Montreal bus station was so ridiculous and stressful, that I collapsed in a fit of giggles each time. It really was a sight, and thank goodness we kept our sense of humor. We finally got back to O-town around 2am exhausted. But we had such a good time, and I was so glad I could help my friend out, as the whole situation was pretty stressful for her.

It was so fun to be back in NYC; last time I was there, I was 16 years old and more interested in the cute Irish boys staying in our hotel than in seeing the sights (such a silly, stupid girl in hindsight, haha!). So much was as I remembered it, although Times Square has seen some change. I can’t get over the number of McDonalds I saw – it was like Starbucks in Vancouver, they’re just everywhere! We met some very friendly New Yorkers, which was such a pleasantry especially in the Port Authority with our gaggle of bags – we couldn’t have made it without the friendly Red Cap.

This week, I’ve been fighting the sugar cravings, which were set off by the Bulk Barn candy binges on the Greyhound. It’s a daily struggle, and most days this week, I’ve caved to temptation (damn that jujube candy bowl on my colleague’s desk!!). And last night, I made a banana sour cream pie – but that was more to use up our sour cream than to satisfy my sweet-tooth – which doesn’t improve the situation.

With this nasty weather, I hope my first half marathon clinic on Sunday morning goes okay. I can’t fathom running on slippery, snowy sidewalks in running shoes.

Have a lovely weekend!